Zenon and Shien's Night Off
by silver-dagger-113
Summary: Zenon and Shien have got the day off while Homura goes to the hairdresser to get his highlights redone. What will they do? Who will they meet? Will they get as drunk as Goku, Sanzo, and Gojyo have? Poor Hakkai…


Quote of the Day: Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? – Stephen Wright

Ok, here's my first Saiyuki fic. I had some time today, so I decided to finish it. So here we go. Don't ask me why I decided to write my first Saiyuki story about Zenon and Shien. I just thought it would fit.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. Or the Pokemon theme song.

_Zenon and Shien have got the day off while Homura goes to the hairdresser to get his highlights redone. What will they do? Who will they meet? Will they get as drunk as Goku, Sanzo, and Gojyo have? Poor Hakkai…_

**Zenon and Shien's Night Off**

It was a perfectly normal day. The birds were chirping, people were wandering mindlessly about, and the Sanzo party was in a bar somewhere arguing over food. But it wasn't completely normal. Oh no. No one was after the sutra-wielding priest and his rag-tag team. Kougaiji and his team of assassins (not to mention his little sister) were on vacation at Disney World. Homura was at the hairdresser getting his highlights redone. And the Merciful Goddess, who wasn't too happy at this turn of events (Sanzo and his team so livened things up when they were in a near-death situation), was busy cheating in a game of backgammon against Jiroshin. So where did that leave Zenon and Shien? Why, at some bar in a small town, of course!

"Gimme the strongest thing you got!" Zenon shouted, pounding a fist on the surface of the bar. "Anything, as long as it's alcohol!"

"Oolong tea," Shien said quietly.

Zenon playfully punched his partner's shoulder. "C'mon, Shien! Live a little! Why doncha get somethin' a bit stronger?"

Shien paused before adding, "With no sugar." He turned to Zenon. "Strong enough?"

Zenon sweatdropped. "Sure, Shien. Sure."

Taking a deep drink of his beverage, Zenon mused aloud, "Now what are we gonna do? Homura said not to attack Sanzo and the others until he gets back. What're we gonna do for fun till then?"

Shien shrugged. "How about a game of chess?"

Zenon shook his head. "Nah."

"Checkers?"

"No."

"Karaoke?"

"Karaoke?!"

"Yeah." Shien pointed to the neon sign above the bar. "Karaoke."

Zenon looked and there, in big blinking blue neon letters read, "Karaoke – Friday Nights." Underneath it read "Contest this Friday night! Become the Karaoke King!"

Laughter bubbled up from his throat. "That's it! Tonight we become Karaoke Gods!"

This time Shien sweatdropped. "Right. I don't sing."

"Oh, but you will tonight!"

"No. No I won't."

"Please?!"

"No."

"I'll be your best friend…"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, ok."

And so they went to sign up for the karaoke contest. While they were talking to the barkeep, they heard a commotion coming from the back of the bar.

The barkeep rolled his eyes. "I'll bet 10,000 yen it's the priest and his party again."

Zenon choked, spraying his drink all over Shien. "Priest?!"

The barkeep nodded. "Oh yeah. A bunch of girly-pretty boys. A blonde with a credit card and a gun who claims he's a Sanzo Priest, a tall red-head who's a real lady-killer, a kid who's got an appetite the size of a house, and this quiet guy with half-glasses who's always smiling. Weird group, ne?"

Zenon glanced at Shien who, after wiping the alcohol from his face, nodded. "Yeah. Real weird group. We'll go quiet 'em fer ya."

The two gods meandered over to the Sanzo-ikkou. What they saw nearly made Shien burst out laughing. However, he was able to contain himself. It DID make Zenon laugh though.

"HAHA! You guys are so drunk!"

Goku was passed out on the floor. Sanzo was slumped over the table. Gojyo was leaning heavily on Hakkai's shoulder. Hakkai, the only sober one, looked up at them. "Oh, hello!" He smiled. "Yes, I think they've had a bit too much to drink. Would you mind helping me take them to their rooms?"

Shien stepped forward to help, but Zenon stopped him. "Hey! We're enemies, remember?"

"But it's going to be hard for him to carry them all up by himself!" Shien argued.

"Well, he shouldn't have let them drink too much then! It's his problem!" Zenon then pointed to the passed-out Goku. "And he's a minor, damnit!"

"Willya stop yellin'?!" Gojyo slurred from Hakkai's shoulder. "Some of us've got headaches so jus' shuddap!"

"Shut up, kappa!" Sanzo's muffled voice slurred from the table. "I'm one of those people!"

"Don' tell me what ta do!" Gojyo shouted, standing up shakily.

"I'll tell ya what ta do if I wanna!" Sanzo shouted back, also standing up a bit tipsily.

Gojyo threw a crooked punch that looked like it wasn't very painful. "Shuddap, droopy eyes!"

Sanzo threw an equally weak punch. "Pervert!"

Punch. "Baldy!"

"I am not bald!" Punch.

"Owwww…"

"Wha?"

"That one kinda hurt."

"'m sorry," Sanzo slurred. "That was outta line, man."

"'m sorry too, man!" Gojyo said drunkenly before throwing his arms around the priest. "I love you man!" He started sobbing.

Sanzo started sobbing and hugged him back. "I love you too!"

Zenon and Shien backed up a step, fearing their stupidity was contagious.

"Now, now, guys," Hakkai said, pulling them apart. "I'd say it's time we all went to bed. Come on, let's go upstairs."

Gojyo threw an arm around him. "I love you too, 'Kai!"

"No!" Sanzo shouldered him out of the way. "I love H'kai!"

"Nooooo…"

"Yesh I do…"

"'ll fightcha fer 'im!"

Sanzo glared at him and would have used the Sutra on his rival had Hakkai not spoken up.

"Hey, guys," the nervous brunette said. "I though you loved each other?"

Sanzo and Gojyo looked at one another.

"I love you, man!" Gojyo said, crying again, as he grabbed the priest.

"No, I love you!" Sanzo cried.

"Right, you can love each other all you want upstairs!" Hakkai said, picking up the passed-out Goku. "Upstairs where you won't embarrass me in front of all these people!" He turned to the two gods. "So nice to see you two again. Good night!" With that, Hakkai disappeared up the stairs, carrying the monkey king and dragging the now giggling water sprite and priest up the stairs.

Zenon and Shien sweatdropped.

"Right…" Zenon said. "So, what do you wanna sing?"

Shien sighed. "Nothing."

"Hmmm…I don't believe I've ever heard that one…"

"Uhh…Right. How about something simple. Something snazzy. Something classic."

Zenon snapped his fingers. "Right! The Spice Girls!"

Shien fell down anime-style. "Not what I had in mind…"

"Awww, come on, they're classic!"

"No," Shien said, shaking his head furiously. "No they're not."

"Well, what did you wanna sing?"

"I don't know, maybe an Eagles song…"

"The Eagles?!"

"Well, yeah, everyone loves the _Hotel California_."

Zenon sighed. "Booooring."

Shien sighed. "You know, I don't think I can do this."

"But you promised!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"Prove it!"

"Ok, I will!" Zenon stomped up to the barkeep. "Hey, did you hear this guy," he pointed to Shien, "promise to sing karaoke with me tonight?"

The barkeep paused to think. "Well, I heard him agree to go up and sing with you."

Zenon turned to Shien with a triumphant smirk. "Ha!"

"But," the barkeeper continued, "I didn't ever hear him actually promise."

This time it was Shien's triumphant, "Ha!"

Zenon was about to whine some more, but the startled gasps of the various bar customers stopped him.

"A sword! He's got a BIG FIERY SWORD!" they yelled.

"Homura!" Zenon and Shien rushed up to their fellow god.

"Like the highlights?" the War Prince asked, flipping his hair so that it caught the light at just the right angle and made fangirls everywhere swoon.

"Yeah!" Zenon said. "Can I touch it?"

"No." He surveyed the bar. "So, what have you two been up to?"

"The Sanzo-ikkou is staying upstairs," Shien reported. "All except one of them is too drunk to stand. To attack right now would mean a sure victory."

Homura nodded. "Good. I'll deal with them later."

"And we're gonna become karaoke gods!" Zenon added enthusiastically.

Shien sweatdropped and kicked him in the shin.

"Karaoke?" Homura asked.

"Ow! Yeah!" He grinned. "We're gonna sing the Spice Girls!"

"The…Spice Girls…" Homura sighed. "You know, that really brings me back. Back to the days when I was Karaoke King."

"You were a Karaoke King?" Zenon asked.

"No." Homura said. "Now where's that one remaining sober member of the Sanzo-ikkou? I think we could both use a strong drink…" So he set off up the stairs, looking for Hakkai. "Why do I have to have these two imbeciles for subordinates?" he mumbled.

Shien sweatdropped and followed.

"Hey, Shien! Where're ya goin'?"

Shien sighed and spun around. "To join Homura and that Hakkai guy for a drink. He's right, I need one."

"But-" But it was no use. Shien left him. "Fine! I'll just win this karaoke contest by myself!"

And so he mounted the stage to catcalls of "Pirate-wannabe!" and "Eyepatch-man!" and other really horrible (horrible as in the people yelling them sucked at name-calling) names. He looked at the bar where Homura, Shien, and even Hakkai were well on their way to becoming as drunk as the other incapacitated members of the Sanzo-ikkou. Zenon only snorted. _I'll win this without your help_, he thought fiercely.

The music started and he sang. He sang with all of his heart, with all of the passion deep within his soul…

"I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was! (Dun dun un!) To catch them is my real test; to train them is my cause!"

"Is he singing the theme song to…Pokemon?" Homura asked, only slurring a bit.

"I think so…" Hakkai, who was a bit tipsy himself, added.

"He definitely is," a semi-drunk Shien said with a groan.

Their guess was confirmed at the chorus: "Pokemon! It's you and me! I know it's my destiny!"

The three sweatdropped.

Zenon sang his hardest and at the end of the contest, won, deeming himself not only the Karaoke King, but the Karaoke God. Homura, Shien, and Hakkai had long since passed out. The barkeep had been kind enough to bring them up to their rooms though. Meaning, he threw them all in a pile on the floor of an empty room. The next morning, a hung-over Homura and Shien left with a happy Zenon. Hakkai, who didn't seem to be suffering any of the symptoms of a hangover, decided to check on the other members of his party. Goku was still sound asleep on the bed. Across the hall, however, was another story altogether.

Because they seemed to be getting along so well, Hakkai had just dumped Sanzo and Gojyo in the same room.

"HAKKAI!!!!"

Apparently that wasn't the best of ideas.

The green-eyed youkai burst into the room at Sanzo's shout. "What's wrong?" he asked, even though he had his suspicions. One look at the room confirmed them.

Gojyo had fallen asleep on the priest. Said priest had woken up the next morning, more ill-tempered than usual because he was hung-over, to find the water sprite and himself in a _very_ awkward position indeed.

"HAKKAI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Hakkai dodged the bullets and ran out into the hall. "But Sanzo," he called over his shoulder. "I thought you guys were getting along _so_ well!"

"HAKKAI!"

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Zenon was polishing his karaoke trophy.

END

O.O; Umm…Yeah. That was Zenon and Shien's happy little story. I've read other Saiyuki fics where they call Sanzo a monk, but in the manga they call him a priest. So I just stuck with that. And am I the only one who thinks that a drunk Sanzo and an equally drunk Gojyo are hilarious? XD


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